Well, once again, I have had a lot of difficulty with visualization. I did this meditation on a Friday night after a long day at work. Instead of making me feel better, I had a very difficult time focusing on what the instructions were telling me to do. It was one of those times when I just could not get into it. I do not have a better explanation than that. Again, the voice breaking in to the middle of the practice was very disturbing and did not help to improve my focus any.
I have been practicing mindfulness on and off for a while now, and I find it to be very settling to my mind, if I am in the correct frame for it. I find myself at times just not in the mood to work the subtle mind. But I really do think that there are times when it can be very helpful, like when I practice on the way to work. I arrive with a much better attitude to start my day if I silence the "noise" before I get there. I tend to focus on what the day will bring, but if I try mindfulness and only focus on the present moment, it gives me time to just be and not worry about what will be. I think if I increase this practice to daily it will help to still the anxiety that goes crazy in my head sometimes. Also, stopping for a few minutes several times a day to focus will be very helpful on days that are very busy. If mindfulness is easier for me, I will be more likely to practice it, so I need to set aside time to work on the more difficult task of visualization in order to become proficient at it.
Shelly I admire your perseverance, and I trust you see the value in your difficulty. That you continue when it would be easy to just blow it off is a testament to your character. I look at difficulty as if it were a workshop that I paid a lot of money for and someone put a great deal of energy into developing a serious lesson plan so I can learn something valuable. I also remember it is always hard before it is easy: Remember learning to ride a bicycle?
ReplyDeleteI too had more difficulty staying with this one. I like letting go of thoughts, it takes less work. Visualizations are quite a bit different than a regular practice. I used to have an easier time seeing in my mind’s eye; not sure what changed.
The way you stick at it works for me and I would do what you are doing; giving yourself more time to practice. I would advocate the same for a client of mine. I would encourage them to seek other activities also, to grow their inner work; moving meditation, dance, anything that would blow up their skirt.
I do like the idea of seeing this as something I have invested a lot of money in, that is a pretty good motivation. I think that just making major improvements in myself would be a great motivation, but I am still struggling with low self esteem and I think it will be best for me to get over that hump first. Without that barrier it will come easier. I think it comes down again to the rules outlined in our text, that integral health is individualized and dynamic. We must remember that even though this exercise was difficult, it may just not be the right one for us and we need to discover what works best for us, as well as our individual clients. Thanks for your insight!
ReplyDeleteShelley,
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a good job! It is a matter of practice, and soon it will all come very easy. Spiritual evolution is more like a process. One thing I know by experience and that is if it is becoming hard for you now, when you master it, your life will have a deep transformation, and you will see a big change in your life. Good luck and keep the good work!!
Michelle Ortiz